The Story behind


...At 15 years old I ran away from home. I can remember that year very vividly, because that was the year I desired to know myself more. Growing up in my church, there were prophets that would come from all over the world, bringing truth, and revelation each and every time. At times it seemed they left people with more questions, than answers. It seemed to me as though they would always prophecy to my siblings, my mom, and my dad but not me. One day, another prophet came to town. He didn’t speak to me directly, but indirectly I interpreted his message as “you need struggle, to be successful, your success is in your story; your testimony.” Months later I ran away from home, For all of one day. That one day however, would change my entire perspective about life…

 

...At 18 years old I left home during my senior year of high school. Within 2 years, I had altercations with people I held close to my heart, such as my parents and my siblings. I wasn’t a defiant child, but maybe just too smart for my own good. I could no longer sit inside of a box, that was my home, and be controlled like a puppet. I wanted to pull my own strings and even at that age, I had still been talking to God. I wanted to gain experience, so that I could relate to normal people. In all honesty, had I stood home I may have earned a scholarship to Loyola University, and might have had my masters degree by now as well. My family meant well, but I felt like my path was different. I wanted to help people for the rest of my life, and I didn’t feel as though I had the experience necessary to do so. I specifically told God I didn't want to start helping people in the way I saw myself doing at 40, I wanted to start young, so that I could do it over a longer span of time…

 

...Between the age of 18 and 21 years old, I went through countless issues. I had a son, who I was unable to provide for but loved so dearly. Trying to please the mother of my child, and others I would attempt to make things happen faster. Quick money is not good money. I found myself in jail multiple times, for a crimes I did not commit. I lost jobs even though I was the top male salesman at COACH and KAY Jewelers. I was lost as far as who God told me I was. I was walking in clouds..not on them. I had been on the journey for so long, I had forgotten I was even on a journey. I knew who I was, but others refused to see me as more than the mistakes I had previously made. After apologizing, pleading, and netting no results, I just wanted to know what I had done so wrong. People had turned their back on me, refused to help me, or even acknowledge that I existed. I was in survival mode, willing to absolutely anything necessary to keep myself afloat… 

 

It was June, year 2017... Looking at my life at age 23, I had done many things. Right or wrong what was done, was done. In this moment I began to think about who I was, and where I stood in life. In that moment, I began to think about what was achievable in my mind as a child, versus things I saw as impossible now. I began to question why things were the way they were even though growing up people had saw me in such a bright light. Trying to do what I thought I should do. I can remember saying to myself that “I wasn’t supposed to be down here” Here meaning a certain level, but my mind, so open and easily attacked transitioned from level, to being here on this earth period. I felt like God left me, at the same time thinking that I had disappointed God, my family, my son, and anyone who ever thought I was a good kid. No one cared to me, and I wanted to kill myself. I couldn’t tell if I didn’t deserve to be on this earth or if people didn’t deserve to have me in their life… so many thoughts…. So I cried out to God, and he responded. Yes, God really spoke to me. God told me “ I already gave you everything you need, everything you need is on the inside if you, you and I make a great team.” In that moment I knew that God still loved me, and had I killed myself many people wouldn’t even know thatI really didn’t want to die. I just wanted to feel loved, and I didn’t want people to keep measuring my personal efforts on their own ruler… Soon after that moment, within that same hour, I was inspired by The Lion King (my favorite movie ever) to create a legacy in the form of a children’s book for my son. I knew then, that creating this book, would send a message to my son, if I never saw him again, that daddy loved him, and that daddy is a good man…

 

To Be Continued with full detail in my book “Shielded”… coming soon 

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New Orleans, La

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Jared the Dreamer